My daughter starts kindergarten on Tuesday. Truth be told, she is excited and doing great… I am feeling all the emotions and nerves. Did I prepare her? Did I do the best I could do? Will she know how to ride the bus, will she know how to get lunch, will she be able to open her bento box? What if she doesn’t feel like eating? Will she remember to wash her hands? Will she clean up after herself? The list goes on and on. How will I hold it together when I see my very own heart on two legs climb up the stairs to the bus and begin one of the biggest journeys of her life?
The problem with only having one child is every single milestone is your first and your last. So when people tell you to enjoy every moment, that thought constantly echoes through your head and heart. It was there at 3 am when I was desparately rocking her back to sleep; it was there all those times she had a fever and was really just cutting a tooth; or the endless hours of standing in the bathroom during potty training listening for the magical sound of potty in the toilet. There are no do overs, there are no second chances, there is a feeling that you’re going to miss out on something. And yet even if she was with me every minute of the day, there would still be things I would miss. It’s healthy for
her us to be independent, but I can’t help but feel like I am grieving the end of her early childhood. I will miss her little toddler voice, and the fact that I secretly don’t want to correct improper grammar because it’s plain old adorable to me. I will miss the innocence and simple intimacy of her early years… I will miss being needed so much.
Because the shoppe is closed on Mondays, Enslie and I began a tradition of “Mommy Mondays.” Basically, she gets to pick out what we do for the day, and we do it. As she puts it, “Mommy Monday is a time to do fun things that little kids like.” This means for the last two years, every Monday, we have done fun things like eat donuts, go to the zoo, swim, ride roller coasters, read books, build forts, color, go for bike rides… you get the picture. But what am I going to do without my partner in crime? I know my emotions are heightened because she is my only child. There will not be another little one still at home. I suppose this transitional school time is seeing some old grief resurface that, even with all my blessings, I sometimes don’t even realize is there.
I’m sure like many moms, I will come to celebrate the start of the school year, (Should I take a leisurely trip to Target? Should I enjoy a clean house for longer than 30 seconds? ..and what’s that I hear? Oh, Silence!) but for right now, I am just plain a mess. An obsessed mess that has a plan to follow the school bus to school
for the first week on day one with camera in hand.
All this being said, I’ve decided to throw a
pity party back to school soiree. Everyone told me to have a plan and stay busy. A few people told me to drink. I am going to do both. After you drop the kiddos off to school on Tuesday, join us at the shoppe for kindergarten year of Tears and Cheers. Beginning at 11am, we’ll have mimosas, snacks, Kleenex, and retail therapy! We’ll help each other get through the day, whether you couldn’t wait to see that yellow bus drive away or you’re bawling your eyes out, we’re here to listen. And don’t worry teachers, we feel you too. We’ll save some bubbly and snacks for you at 3:00 once you’ve survived your first day! Everyone will have the chance to win up to 25% off their purchase (excluding consignment items- that’s the headbands, bibs, original artwork and a few other items). So… if you can, stop by and check on me celebrate! See you Tuesday!!